Here we go again, another pause.
“We're looking for a very specific skill set as we embark on this new phase.” “After carefully reviewing your qualifications, we have decided to pursue other candidates whose experiences better met the needs of this position.” “After careful consideration, we have decided to move forward with another candidate.” Rejection is a b**** !! I’m mentally exhausted. As talented as they claim for me to be, I feel that I’m truly not being valued for my true worth. What is my worth? Why is there a “no” in every corner I turn? As there may be a space in my resume of time and professional growth, in reality, I’m doing so much. I’m a full-time mom, we all know that’s a two-timer. I’m also about to launch my long-time dream passion project, my podcast. I’m working on becoming someone. I have so many aspirations and goals, but they all cost something. They cost money, time and ambition. In the long run, I’m sure I’ll be grateful for the hard work I did, but can a girl just have some stash to be able to live a rent-free month?
This morning I received yet another rejection letter. Waking up at 7 a.m. to see this sort of email is really discouraging. But I have a busy day today to keep my mind off of it. Most of the tasks include taking care of myself, eating well so I don’t fall into my binge-eating habits, bonding with my husband and daughter and working on my personal projects. As I have this little voice in my head that might say “I’m not good enough”, I have to quiet the tune that brings in negativity and turn up the voice that says “it’s all for a reason”.
It’s a constant inner struggle. The old me trying to overshadow the new me that’s emerging. Trying to remember that a rejection is a redirection. Trying to remember that the storm feels the strongest when you’re in the midst of transformation. Embrace the pause woman! Focus on your spiritual growth! Have a clear mind on where you want to head towards.
We’re good. We have a roof over our heads, I tuck in my baby at night and say good morning to her everyday. We have food. My husband has work to support us. We have learned to budget better thanks to our financial advisor. We still get to enjoy nature. We still get to walk. We still get to dream.
A rejection is a redirection. I’m learning to embrace this pause once again and manage all the internal chaos that happens. I need to understand that while my heart strings are pulled in different directions and my mind, tries to control the uncontrollable, this is where I need to apply what I’ve learned through my healing journey. Channel my messages through writing, my thoughts through journaling, read a little more in the mornings, listen to the birds sing outside and feel the heat from the sun, warm my cheekbones. The last time I was in a pause I was so worried about when the next job would come around. When was it that I would finally be able to work again instead of enjoying all the free time I had. As soon as I started to work, I was feeling instant regret. So, please do me a favor dear child (me talking to me), embrace the pause.
I am worthy. It’s not me, it’s them. It’s not your time just yet. You’re under construction, building something magnificent; you.
