Eight years without you and here’s what I’ve learned

It’s been eight years since my dad passed away. I never really had my dad present in my life previously, but I could have changed that after a certain period of time. I was told I was not the adult, but I was an adult at the age of 18 and he left this earth when I was 19. Was a year enough time to makeup for 19 years of in and outs and with many instances of absence? I’m not sure. It’s a thought I've had to learn to heal and acknowledge that it just couldn’t be. So here’s what I’ve learned along the way of grief, sadness and loss. I learned that my dad always loved me. He passed away on the same day I was auditioning for a reality tv show. I was in the university, one year left to graduate, I was ready to start my career and work towards becoming a reporter, a host, or a tv personality on camera. I took my dad’s death as a sign that maybe it wasn’t the path I was to choose. I continued my career, I graduated and worked in the journalism industry. I learned that it was in fact a sign, for me to prepare myself for where I would be today. I was professionally prepared to be a communicator, to live my dreams, to help heal through a platform I could provide. I also learned that he loved me so much, but feared to show it, when I as next of kin, was allowed to enter where he lived, and there were pictures of me in a beautiful book, embroidered and frames set across his house. I learned that time is not in quantity, but in quality. I had many opportunities to open up, to forgive, to let him in and because of bitterness, anger, hurt, I didn’t and I missed my opportunity on this planet. However, I also learned that the communication between you and your loved ones doesn’t end on this earth, there are other realms where you can stay in touch with them; in your dreams, in the blessings that come about, the unexpected happening, the literal communication with the spirit world, or the lonesome talks you have where you believe no one is listening, but they are and the manifestations you projected, reflect in other forms in the universe and comes back to who it belongs to. I learned that your loved ones live on, even in the generations after you, like your children. My child looks like her dad, but is very much like me and I look like my dad, especially when I was small. I learned that mourning eventually becomes a feeling of the past; you heal and you love at a greater capacity and it’s inexplicable, but the pain you felt of losing someone so dear, turns your actions of gratitude to it’s highest potential. I learned that sometimes there were words that were meant to be exchanged but fear of judgement, prevented those conversations and a lot was left unsaid. I learned that I didn’t have to carry those conversations to my grave, instead, I had them with him over the years. I learned that when you ascend to another realm, one that you cannot psychically see unless you’re a medium, you’re still very much present on this realm and you transcend into anything, anywhere and in any possible situation. It’s why we call them our guardian angels. I learned that both of us have forgiven each other long ago and that our love for each other never died in the car where he passed away. I am grateful to carry him with me, in my pictures, in my memories, in my necklace with his last fingerprint and in my everyday blessings. Eight years without you papi and I’ve learned more about myself and about you, than I ever thought I could.