What post-partum depression taught me
I’m almost about to become a 28 year old woman and I am honestly at lost for words because this means I have survived the hardest two years of my life. I didn’t know I was experiencing postpartum depression until I had my first pseudo seizure episode in January 2022, almost 4 months postpartum. That’s a lot of time in between struggling on my own, with emotional outbursts, insomnia and anxiety for someone who barely knows herself as this new mom. If I were to say that I knew I was depressed I’d be lying, but I absolutely knew I was different. I saw some signs that were not clear to me, but I’ve heard about the signs before I became a mother and so like anyone else would, I googled it. During my 26th year, I had just become a mom, I was meeting myself for the first time, I was moving from place to place, getting to know my newborn and figuring out the milestones along the way. Simultaneously, reading on healing, listening to podcasts that would inspire me, repairing myself and putting the pieces together, writing again in this space that feels sacred to me, crying along to lyrics of music I now understand better, eliminating things, people and circumstances that did not serve my highest good and figuring out what I’d like to do next professionally. I worked on my podcast, built my community online to connect to others who were learning about themselves as well, and moms especially, who found comfort in me sharing my vulnerability with them. Postpartum depression taught me how to prioritize my needs, my wants, my desires, my goals and ambitions and to attend to the dreams I still was holding on to, and make them happen or at least work towards them and walk down the paths I’ve never faced before. I learned about my relationship with my husband and how crucial his support has been to furthering my personal growth. I learned how my healing impacts my relationship with my daughter and it effects her upbringing and who she is to become someday. Postpartum depression has been the greatest thing to happen to me, it was meant to happen. It was the step I needed to overcome before becoming this 28 year old, wise and strong woman. I am vulnerable and open-minded, I am powerful and have found my own strengths. I embrace my weaknesses and work to become better at them without pressuring myself to make it happen overnight. I share my learnt mistakes, I learned to love myself the most and it has allowed me to love others like my daughter and husband, at a level, that’s out of this world. Postpartum depression taught me to be compassionate, to be understanding, to be empathetic. This woman I am today, is someone I dreamt of becoming; I still can’t believe I am here, just a few days away, but I am so excited for this new chapter, this new journey, this new trip around the sun. Postpartum depression has helped me become me and be proud of the pain, the hurt, the battles and the struggles I went through. It taught me I am capable, I am fearless, I am perfectly imperfect and this rebirth has been absolutely gorgeous. I wish I could tell me during my 4 months postpartum, that it does get better, we eventually survive and to please understand, we need to go through this. It’s because we go through this, we learn what’s out there for us, we to learn to fight for us and the pain we’ve felt, has taught us how to love the world we live in, in grand and be grateful for everything we have, because it’s everything we need.
